Letting Go Without Losing Control

Some More Thoughts on one of my favorite quotes from Paul Rabil

“Here’s the hard truth for any player, coach, teacher, therapist, founder, or parent:
your greatest work is done when you are no longer needed.”

Paul Rabil

Photo by Will Colavito on Unsplash

Letting go is hard. If you’re a coach, parent, mentor, leader, or fellow creative artist, you know that stepping back can feel like you’re losing control - or even questioning your purpose.

Letting go doesn’t mean you care less. It means you trust more.

You’re giving someone space to grow and thrive on their own.

Paul Rabil, a lacrosse legend, leader, and wonderful author, knows this well. He once shared how the hardest part of coaching isn’t doing everything yourself - it’s knowing when to step back and let your players take charge (sounds something I just wrote about yesterday). That moment isn’t about losing influence; it’s about empowering and equipping others to shine as well. Like a lot of great leaders, Paul’s greatest pride comes from seeing his teammates succeed independently - not from holding the spotlight.¹

I want to adopt this mindset more and I’ve been thinking through ways to let go without losing my impact and here’s a short list that I came up with:

1. Shift from Doer to Guide
   Instead of jumping in to fix things, ask questions that help others solve problems on their own.

2. Celebrate Small Wins
   Notice and cheer for even the tiniest progress because it all adds up to growth.

3. Accept Imperfection
   Let go of the “perfect way” because it doesn’t exist. Mistakes make learning and real independence.

4. Be Clear About Your Intentions
   Tell them you’re stepping back because you trust them, not because you’re giving up.

5. Practice Patience
   This will forever be the hardest one for me. Growing confidence takes time. Be gentle with yourself and others.

TODAY’S CHALLENGE:

Pick one person you support and try one of these tips. See how it shifts your relationship and their confidence. Jot down what you notice and celebrate those moments.

Remember, letting go isn’t losing control². It’s making space for greatness.

1. Honestly, I wish there were more leaders who cared about the success of others but not everyone cares to impact others as much as we have the ability to. I hope you will join me in trying to help those we mentor and surround ourselves with to become the best that they can be.

2. I can’t hear the phrase “Lose Control” without thinking of Teddy Swim’s modern classic hit. I love that song and it’s one of my favorite songs to cover when I’m out on a gig.

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